The Hedgehog in the Wainscotting
shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source

back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.

So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.

The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.

Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.

did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

thejunglenook:

ballpointpun:

Somewhere a rocket scientist brain surgeon physicist with a knack for economics who wears Velcro shoes is having a stress breakdown.

When I was a professional ballroom dance instructor, one of my coworkers was having a tough time teaching a step to her student. As he gets more frustrated she tells him “it’s ok- you’ll get it- this isn’t rocket science.”
There is an awkward pause as her student stares back at her."No" he agrees, "this isn’t rocket science. That I can do. This is some sadistic step designed specifically to torture rocket scientists.”
And that’s how we found out he worked for NASA.

thejunglenook:

ballpointpun:

Somewhere a rocket scientist brain surgeon physicist with a knack for economics who wears Velcro shoes is having a stress breakdown.

When I was a professional ballroom dance instructor, one of my coworkers was having a tough time teaching a step to her student. As he gets more frustrated she tells him “it’s ok- you’ll get it- this isn’t rocket science.”

There is an awkward pause as her student stares back at her.
"No" he agrees, "this isn’t rocket science. That I can do. This is some sadistic step designed specifically to torture rocket scientists.”

And that’s how we found out he worked for NASA.

I’ve spent the last two days in Stratford-Upon-Avon, where Shakespeare was born and buried, and I have TOTALLY not spent it waiting for Tom Hiddleston to show up and sweet me off my feet, finishing the sonnet I’m reciting as he does so.

Totally not.

thegirlbehindthegasmask:

Me and my sister are sharing a room and the adults are sharing the room downstairs 

FREEEEEEEEEDOM

My sister just accurately described me as an epileptic flamingo and that’s pretty accurate.

teppathekid:

leaper182:

This is one of my most favorite endings to a Disney movie, hands down.

Fuck the sword of a Hun who was going to destroy China. Fuck any sort of gift from the Emperor. They’re these *things* that have no meaning whatsoever.

His little girl is home from a *war*, safe and sound, and that is the most important thing in the world to him. The world can go to hell, but it doesn’t matter, because Mulan’s home.

this scene ALWAYS makes me cry

elflizard:

Best $1.85 I have ever spent.

annonymissus:

I didn’t mean for this to line up with the release of Lady Thor, But it did.

annonymissus:

I didn’t mean for this to line up with the release of Lady Thor, But it did.

omegaling:

I can vouch that all morticians have the same sense of humor.

omegaling:

I can vouch that all morticians have the same sense of humor.